The Shocking Reason Your Friendships Feel One-Sided ~ It's not what you think

There are few hurts as sharp as the suspicion that you're less important to a friend or loved one than they are to you. I recently navigated a difficult moment in a long-time friendship that forced me to confront that very suspicion. The experience reminded me, and I hope it reminds you, that the stories we tell ourselves about our worth are often far more damaging than the reality.

The Asymmetry Trap

For years, my friendship with a dear, close friend was defined by an asymmetry of effort. I was the one who always reached out.

For many years, I gave her grace: "She’s really busy with work and family." A few years ago, I tried strategy: "Maybe if I reach out enough, she will too." But in the past year, my internal narrative had shifted to hurtful assumption: "Maybe she’s just not as invested in the friendship as I am."

I felt depleted and distraught, no longer able to give grace to a dynamic that felt so one-sided. Like many of the brilliant women I coach, I found myself getting lost in the role I was playing—the "good friend" who carries the weight—instead of focusing on my core value of mutual connection. When a friendship no longer aligns with your values, you have to choose: withdraw in silence or risk a tough conversation.

Shifting Focus: From Role to Value

Tearfully, I brought up my concern. This was the moment of highest vulnerability. By asking for change, I had to assume she still cared—and that was terrifying. It felt easier to withdraw and let the friendship wither than to risk the confirmation of my fear. This is what many people do, and that is why friendships don't last.

Her response was a profound gift that shattered my assumption.

She told me she was just as invested, but that her energy tends to be drawn toward anxiety-provoking commitments—family demands, romantic partnerships, work crises—and she’d neglected our friendship precisely because it was a place of peace. She didn't need to work on us because we were safe.

Think about that for a moment. She was present in my life when she could finally breathe, and I had interpreted her moments of peace as moments of neglect.

The Lonely Echo Chamber

This experience illuminated a crucial pattern, one I see constantly in women striving to shift from being defined by their roles (mother, spouse, employee) to their passions and purpose: the insidious habit of assuming people don't care.

As a midlife coach, I see the power of that assumption blocking women from finding their clarity. They assume:

"My spouse won't support my new career dream."

"My children need me to stay in this limiting role."

"No one will show up for my new venture."

“She/He/They… just aren't that into me.”

And just like in my friendship, we start to withdraw. A recent study actually found that the lonelier we are, the more we underestimate how much our friends care. This fear-based assumption leads us to be less supportive, less disclosing, and less committed to the relationship—a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you assume people don’t care about you enough, you will eventually make it true.

The Desire for YOUR World Starts Here

When we shift our focus from playing a role to living by our core values and desires, we cultivate the courage to ask: What if they do care?

Imagine the change this shift could create, not just in your friendships, but in your career, your personal goals, and your vision for the world—perhaps even your desire to be part of something like the Save the World Sisterhood Movement you dream of. Every great purpose requires vulnerability and the radical belief that you are worthy of support.

If you’re waiting to pursue your deepest desires until you are sure you have support, you may be waiting forever. Stop letting fear of rejection dictate your worth.

My question for you today is: How would you navigate your life—your friendships, your work, your dreams—differently if you assumed, with radical trust, that the people you love and the universe itself were deeply invested in your happiness and success?

All my love,