Why Even Your Encouragers Need Encouragement

We all have that person in our lives.

She’s the one who organizes the meal trains. She’s the steady rock when a family crisis hits. She’s the friend who always texts first to check in, who radiates warmth, and who seems to have an endless reservoir of hope and "you've got this!" energy for everyone around her.

From the outside, it looks effortless. But if we’re being completely honest with each other today, I want to pull back the curtain on a quiet truth:

The "strong ones", the encouragers, the way-showers, the anchor women in your circle, have the exact same insecurities, doubts, and midnight fears as everyone else.

The difference? They rarely feel at liberty to set down their role of strength long enough to admit it.

The Voices in the Quiet

When you are naturally wired to lift others up, a subtle, unwritten rule starts to govern your life: My job is to hold the space, not to be a burden.

So, when the mean little voices in the back of the mind start whispering - Who do you think you are? It’s not going to work out for you. You’re not good enough - the encouragers tend to internalize them. We fight those voices in private because we don't want to dim anyone else's light or make the people we love worry.

I don't necessarily know if people view me as "the strong one," but I do make it my life’s mission to be a way-shower, an uplifter, and a champion for women. Encouragement is my natural language. Yet, even in my own life right now, I've had to walk through the heavy, quiet fires of self-doubt.

Behind the Scenes of the Struggle

If you’ve been following along, you know I’m currently in the middle of a massive new chapter: pitching my next book to literary agents.

Now, my natural state is doing. I like action. I like rolling up my sleeves, fixing problems, and making things happen. But the publishing world doesn't work on my timeline. It demands patience, waiting, and endless surrender to a slow process.

Lately, I’ve felt stuck in an exhausting loop - perfecting a single, 300-word query letter that holds the immense pressure of either making or breaking my chance with an agent. It feels like trying to capture your whole heart and life’s work in a tiny thimble.

Recently, within my writing community, I had the incredible (and terrifying!) opportunity to read my query letter out loud to a top literary agent in front of a live audience of nearly 200 writers. It went well, and I received some truly valuable feedback. But it also meant going back to the drafting table to revise that letter for what felt like the hundredth time.

And this past weekend? The weight of it all caught up with me.

I found myself feeling genuinely hopeless and weepy, sitting with the cold, heavy fear that maybe this just isn't going to happen.

My inner encourager immediately tried to step in: "It’s all part of the process, Brenda!" "Everything is working out for you!" "Don't give up!"

But for a moment, the cheerful pep talk wasn't enough to stop the tears. I looked at the mountain of unacknowledged emails, the quiet rejections, and the polite warnings from well-meaning people whispering that maybe I was thinking too big... and for the first time in a long time, I understood deeply why so many creators and dreamers just give up.

It is hard. And in that moment, the woman who spends her life encouraging everyone else realized something vital: I really, really needed someone to encourage me.

Which brought me to the hardest question of all: Who do I unload this onto when everyone is used to me being the strong one?

How to Spot (and Support) the Strong Woman in Your Life

I know I will shake this off. I will dust off my hands, polish that 300-word letter again, and keep moving forward because the message on my heart is too important to quit.

But sitting in that struggle reminded me of how many of you might be carrying a quiet, heavy load today—or how many of you have a friend who is fighting a silent battle behind a brave smile.

So how do we care for the encouragers? How do we make sure nobody in our sisterhood has to carry the heavy stuff alone?

1. Know the Signs of "Silent Burnout" 

(and the Trap of Being "F.I.N.E.")

The strong ones rarely scream for help; they quiet down. Or, when you ask them how they're doing, they give you that quick, automatic response we’ve all used a million times: "I'm fine!"

I recently heard a brilliant acronym for F.I.N.E. that stopped me in my tracks:

F.I.N.E. = Feelings Inside Not Expressed (or Feelings Insecurely Not Expressed)

When a woman who usually carries the world on her shoulders says she’s "fine," it’s often a subtle shield. It means her real emotions, fears, and exhaustion are tucked safely away inside because she doesn't want to burden anyone else.

Watch for these subtle shifts in your steady friends:

🫶They stop sharing their own updates: If a friend who usually talks openly suddenly keeps the conversation 100% focused on you and deflects questions about herself, she might be holding her breath.

🫶They express subtle fatigue: Sentences like "I'm just a little tired today" or "It's just been a long week" are often code for "My soul is exhausted."

🫶They drop out of the group chat: Withdrawing from social spaces, even warm ones, is often a sign that their emotional cup is completely empty.

2. Ask the Right Questions

When someone is used to being the anchor, a casual "How are you?" will almost always yield an automatic "I'm fine, doing great!"

To bypass their protective instinct, try asking questions that grant implicit permission to be real:

🫶"I know you carry a lot for everyone else, how is your heart actually doing today?"

🫶"What is feeling heavy on your shoulders right now?"

🫶"You don't have to be strong with me. What’s the hardest thing on your plate this week?"

3. Offer "No-Requirement" Encouragement

If you know a friend is in a hard season of waiting, trying, or building, don't wait for her to ask for help. Send a text that requires zero energy for her to answer:

🫶"No need to text back, I just wanted to remind you that I believe in your dream so much."

🫶"I know you're in a quiet, hard stretch of waiting right now. I see your effort, and I'm so proud of you."

To the Sister Who is Fighting a Quiet Battle Today...

If you are the one sitting in the weeping place this week, if you are staring at a dream that feels too big, a process that feels too slow, or a load that feels too heavy, hear this from my heart to yours:

You do not have to be strong all the time to be worthy of love and support.

It is okay to put down the cheerleader pom-poms. It is okay to admit that the waiting hurts, that the rejection stings, and that the voices in your head got the best of you today. Mourn the hard moments, cry the tears, and let a trusted friend hold space for you for a change.

You aren't thinking too big. You aren't failing. You are just in the messy, quiet middle of the story.

We are in this together, and your tribe is right here holding the light until you're ready to pick yours back up.

Over to You, Sister:

Is there a "strong one" in your life who might need a gentle check-in today? Or are you the one currently needing a little extra wind beneath your wings?

Drop a heart in the comments or head over to the Save the World Sisterhood Facebook Group to share where you're at today. Let’s make sure no woman in our circle walks through the quiet struggles alone. ❤️

Save the World Sister!